Embracing the Hurt~ Feb 23, 2010

"How are you doing?" is what most people ask me knowing that Dad has been gone for about 2 weeks, 13 days to be exact. Of course, my response is, "OK, hanging in there". WHERE? Hanging in there, you know where, it's NO WHERE. Actually, I am swinging from here to there, but don't even want to go into detail- most people ask to be polite.

Swinging from "everything is ok, or going to be ok" to "wow, he is actually gone, my Daddy is gone". My Marine friend told me once that Marine's have a saying when things suck, you ....."Embrace the Suck". I call this embracing the Hurt, because yes, it does suck, but it hurts way more than I thought it would.

The Hurt is a dull pain, low energy and feeling like you have the flu without the runny nose and diarrhea....and it just comes and goes...hurt, no hurt, I don't know when to expect it, but it's there more than it isn't. It also likes to join it's friend, cry and no cry which alternate during the day. And most of us have had broken hearts, but this is deeper...unless of course your spouse or boyfriend passed away.. then you know what I mean.

Every day is a new day and as I continue to receive emails about how others have passed, I do find comfort in knowing a few things-

Dad died the way he wanted, with his children holding his hands and his wife and sisters at his bedside, and yes, he was at home.

Dad also died very peacefully and more importantly- painlessly.

I've heard of other stories where there was no peace and there was pain....that for sure would not give me peace!

Dad believed in God and had accepted Jesus into his heart. This gives me a peace that surpasses all understanding- and a hope that yes, someday I WILL see my Daddy again! I am rest assured in my Hurt, that Dad is pain free in the company of the Big Man upstairs- that he is waiting patiently for Mom and the rest of us to get there so he can welcome us with his Big Moe Hugs!

Love you- Dad

Moe's Funeral Feb. 9,2010

Hi Friends-
this will be the final post from me regarding this blog. Whether you were at Dad's "Celebration" or not, I will be filling you in on what happened before his service and my personal thoughts on the day. If you were at the funeral, parts of this may be redundant, but I want to put closure on this blog and thank those of you who let me know that they actually read it! I thought there were just 4 of us! :-)

Picture this: Dad passes away Tuesday evening at 7:07 p.m and his body is removed from their home around 9:00.
Wednesday morning mom calls the Mortuary for an appointment to set up the service and preparation of dad. They do not have an appointment until Thursday morning, so in the mean time we begin discussing the service, who will speak/share and what we thought Dad wanted for this special day.
Aunty Chiyo is assigned the Caterer, and we begin talking about the program, etc. At this time, we are hoping Rose Hills has Saturday available even though we know the chances are slim-
Thursday morning, Gregg, Joan, Mom, Rev. Mitchell and I meet at Rose Hills to go over the plans.
We are told that there is a very strict time limit for the chapel we wanted so we talked about using another facility- Evergreen Baptist Church is one suggestion. By God's grace, Joan was able to speak to the secretary and get the time and date we wanted. (Side note, I knew that I wanted the service to happen as soon as possible, but I felt physically resistant to the availability, like I really didn't want the finality of Dad's funeral so soon, even though I knew it was better. Mom later said she felt the same way.)
After we nailed down the date and time ( a 4 1/2 hour meeting) we raced home so that I could grab a bite to eat and return to the Mortuary with Dad's discharge papers from the Marines so that they could request the Honor Guards.

When I returned, I went with mom to order flowers and get that taken care of.
While we were thinking about the program and pulling Dad's old pictures someone mentioned how nice Ruby Miho's program was, with pics of the family, etc. I think Mom asked Joan to call Darryl and he came over that night with his friend Ken, took many pics and created Dad's beautiful program for us!!! It was awesome! Thanks, Darryl and Ken.
We did feed them well before they left and had some laughs, too.

I think we had decided that Gregg, Joan and I would also share some personal thoughts about Dad. We promised we would all keep it short and upbeat- I hope we succeeded. We had two days to come up with something for Dad...how do you condense 45 years into two pages, 14 font?

Friday I got the call from Rose Hills that the Honor Guards would be there and of course, I cried. It meant so much to Dad to be a Marine- he was so proud of that and I knew that was one of his wishes. Meanwhile, Joan, Gregg and I are still working on our little talks....

Saturday we arrive at the church and there are people there already standing outside! I wasn't ready to look at anyone yet. I didn't want to start crying before I even walked into the church, but it was inevitable. The Service Coordinator was there, and most of our helpers for the day were already there. Mom was doing pretty good- but I think Joan and I weren't sure how we were doing.
Russ was also there and I could tell he had already been crying. His eyes were puffy and his head was down when we were walking up to the chapel. He was going to give Dad's history as well as a personal eulogy. He had know Dad longer than anyone of us kids and he and Dad had other experiences than we had with Dad. They were close and this was difficult for him, I know.
When the Honor Guard walked out of the sanctuary, I lost it. I met the Senior Officer and thanked him for coming ( tears were included for free). He said that it was his pleasure to serve us and that Dad deserved it for serving our country. Wow......that was humbling.

Before our family went into the chapel, Rev. Mitchell gathered us together to pray over the day and to bless our family, then we proceeded into the chapel.

The program was changed because the protocal for having the Honor Guard there is that they are first, then we followed the rest of the program. It was surreal for me. I've attended my share of funerals, usually sitting 5-10 rows back watching the service and the family. To be in the front row of this funeral was strange, dad in the casket was strange and the fact I couldn't see everyone behind me bothered me.
Russ spoke, Aunty June spoke, both doing amazing jobs, then our turns came. I know we were all nervous and we actually were able to hold it together pretty good. The rest of the service was also truly awesome. Eileen sang "The Prayer" song and Rev. Mitchell tied Dad's reoccuring "7s'" into his meditation and prayer. I loved it and appreciated the work that Rev. M must have put into it. It was very personal and applied directly to Dad's life and passing- THANK YOU REV. MITCHELL!

When the service was over and people started coming to hug us, it was surreal to me. Most I knew, but every person came by to offer a hug or condolences.....I was exhausted by the time we headed over to the reception.

I aplogize to anyone who I did not get to say 'hello" to. Some of my girlfriends had another funeral to go to and I realize we got there an hour after everyone began arriving.

The food was good but the company was better- it was neat to spend time connecting with everyone there. Some people we haven't seen in many years.

When we finally went home, I had nothing left. What a strange feeling- overly tired and overly exhausted!

We came back on Sunday and I had even less energy than Saturday...but it was nice to spend time with Dad's sisters and other family members. Maybe I am rambling because at some deep level I DON"T want to end this blog because that is finalizing Dad's passing- his death and his new beginning. I have an emptiness in my heart- Dad took a piece of me when he left and I want it back. I bet everyone is feeling a little of that too.

I love you, Dad and will have that empty place in my heart until we are reunited again- it is saved just for you.

Jan

Moe's Service- Update Feb. 11, 2010

WHEW! After spending 4 1/2 hours trying to finalize Dad's arrangements, we have a place and time.
Dad's service will be held this
Saturday, Feb. 13th at 10:30 at Evergreen Baptist Church in Rosemead. The address is 1255 San Gabriel Blvd., Rosemead, 91770.

Immediately following the service, we will be having a reception at
Montebello Plymouth Congregational Church in Montebello- the address is 144 S. Greenwood Avenue, Montebello, 90640

PLEASE join us so we can share some of the memories that we have of Dad, Grandpa, Moe, Uncle Moe, and Coach.
We would all love to see you there-
Jan

Feb 9, 2010 Good-bye Daddy!

Dad got everything he wanted.

He spent the last 5 days before he passed seeing many family and friends. There was a constant flood of people coming to see Dad and sharing some great stories with all of us. He was the center of attention and stayed responsive until the very end, smiling and nodding to us.

Towards the end of the day- sometime after 5:30 he began to get agitated so my mom asked that we keep his room more quiet and have just a few of us in his room with him at a time.

Around 6:00 Gregg, Joan and I sat with Dad holding his hands and we did notice his breathing began to become more shallow, so my mom, his sisters (who came from up north) and the other family members also gathered around his bed. We put on his favorite songs on, and sat around him quietly. His breathing got slower and more shallow as the time went on and finally at 7:07 he ceased breathing. It was peaceful and painless. It was like a clock that was running out of batteries and just stopped - no stuggle, no fight.

We all feel very blessed to have been there with Dad to help escort him into heaven. Because he was so loved, there were many people who shared numerous stories about my dad. There have been a lot of tears, but mostly laughter as we all recalled the funny memories we have of my father.

He loved people and we have many "Aunties" and "Uncles" and "cousins" that weren't really blood related to us, but were family just the same.

Thank you for coming out to say good-bye to our father, husband, brother, uncle, grandpa, and friend to many. Also, to those of you who missed out on knowing Big MOE, but have sent your love and support to Joan, Gregg and Mom and I, thank you! Your thoughts and prayers have supported our family through this and we are eternally grateful for the help you have given us, and especially our mom.

We will be meeting with the mortuary tomorrow morning to go over his service and are hoping and praying that we can have the service on SATURDAY. It will be at Rose Hills in Whittier.

I will repost when I know the details, but until then- thank you, gracias and arigato!!!!
Jan

Coming Home to Go Home ~Feb. 6, 2010

Being in the home you grew up with always comes with lots of memories. We actually haven't been here in a long time since our visits to Dad and Mom (Grandma and Grandpa)have either been at a hospital or the nursing home, so it was a little strange.
Dad's in the living room and Mom got a 24 hour care giver. A RN came by to discuss the medication that the hospital had recommended my mom administer and it was quite a list. After going through the list we had a chance to talk with her about some of the signs that can tell you that his time is near.
He's looking past us...not answering all of the questions....sleeping a lot...and is so very thin. (I hate weighing more than him. )
On the up side, he smiles occassionally and winked at me today while a tear ran down my cheek and appears to recognize everyone that is here and gave a big ol' smile to Kiana. She is broken hearted like her mom.
He does seem more peaceful, which I said in the last post.
The RN said that he is showing signs that it may be soon- 48-72 hours and went over the "comfort kit" for Dad should he need it. I think he may have told Mom he saw Henry, one of his old Coffee Buddies that passed a few years ago.
I will end on a funny story that Mom shared with me today. You all know that Dad was so funny- when Dr. Schwarz had to put a throat catheter (sp?) in his neck on Monday they took Dad to another room for the incision. He told the Dr. "just don't cut off my penis". I laughed because even today- Dad has such an awareness. Aren't we all so lucky that we had the opportunity to know him? He loved people and showed it. He never judged someone by how they looked and was a friend to everyone even though you could be very intimidated by his size ( 6feet, 200 pounds) . And he was a shining example of generosity- with money, smiles, hugs, encouraging words, and his time. There will never be another Moe! Love you Dad~ Jan

Going Home- Feb 5, 2010

I have been in Dallas for the last 5 days and got back yesterday. Before I left, we had a family meeting with the doctor to discuss Dad's next step. He had two choices, he could fight and work towards gaining enough weight to be able to go through the procedure for his heart or he could pretty much say he was done trying and would go home- at that time, he told the Doctor that he "wanted his legs back" which we thought meant he wanted to fight. You know how stubborn he can be, so I wasn't suprised.
Well, to make a long story very short, plans had changed while I was gone.
Dad came home today- I saw him at the hospital before they brought him home and he looked good- at peace and happy. He smiled at me and seemed lighter, happier.
Joan and Mom came later and we were able to catch up-
I do have to admit that I cried like a little girl when I saw him ...he's very thin, weak and doesn't have a lot of energy. I do know that when I talked to him about "coming home", he smiled. He smiled a lot actually, more than I've seen him in a while.

Mom got him a 24 hour care giver and we want Dad to be as comfortable as possible.

Friends and family are welcome to visit ANYTIME- and I would recommend stopping by if you have a chance-

Dad is where he wants to be. He is at home.